As I’m working hard to write my book (scheduled for publication one year from now!), one of my favorite things to do lately is attend book talks. Recently I attended a book talk at the University of Toronto Rotman School of Management, where I heard author and fellow podcaster Muriel Wilkins talk about her new book “Leadership Unblocked.”
I walked away from this book talk thinking about my own leadership in ways I had not expected. I think you will too.
Here are 3 key learnings from my recent conversation with Muriel that I promise will elevate your leadership:
- What got you here is not necessarily what will serve you going forward.
- You cannot control what happens around you. But you can control the story you tell yourself about it. (❤️ this!)
- Productivity is a good thing. Until it becomes toxic!
1️⃣ What got you here is not necessarily what will serve you going forward.
Muriel spent two decades coaching senior leaders. She looked back at 300 of those leaders and identified seven beliefs that were quietly getting in the way of their ability to lead at scale. She calls them hidden blockers:
- I need to be involved
- I need it done now
- I know I’m right
- I can’t make a mistake
- If I can do it, you can do it
- I can’t say no
- I don’t belong here
When I read this list I recognized every single one in myself!
The tricky thing about these blockers is that they were not always blockers. At some point, each one was a strength. The urgency to get things done. The high standards. The need to stay close to the work. The self-doubt that kept you sharp… These are the very things that helped many of us succeed.
Muriel’s question is not whether these beliefs are good or bad. It is whether they are still serving you right now, in this context, with this team, at this level.
I used Muriel’s list recently when I was coaching a client who had just moved into a senior VP role. She’s brilliant, decisive, and present in every meeting, every thread, every decision. She was frustrated because her team had quietly stopped bringing ideas to her. Of course they did! They assumed she already had the answers. When I asked which of the seven blockers she recognized in herself, she went quiet and then said, “Honestly, all of them. But especially I need to be involved.”
BINGO.
That acknowledgment was the beginning of a real shift for her.
So now I ask you:
2️⃣ You cannot control what happens around you. But you can control the story you tell yourself about it.
This was the moment in my conversation with Muriel that gave me chills. She said it simply:
She named what she sees in leaders who stay stuck: the belief that if they could just get the complexity under control, things would get easier. But the complexity does not go away. What changes is whether you take responsibility for how you respond to it.
Muriel also referenced “the thin line between approaching things in a mature way versus not.” Not maturity in terms of telling better jokes at the office, but the ability to deal with uncertainty by owning your own experience of it.
This is about agency.
I call this controlling the narrative. There are a million ways to tell the same story. Why not tell your story in a way that serves you?
And by the way, this is as much about the story you tell yourself as it is about the story you tell others!
So much of my work as a communication coach comes back to exactly this. Getting leaders clear on the narrative they are telling themselves, before we talk to others.
3️⃣ Productivity is a good thing. Until it becomes toxic.
Muriel shared something personal in our conversation that I keep thinking about, probably because it resonates just a little too much.
Earlier in her career, getting things done fast was Muriel’s superpower. It made her feel capable, needed, and safe. She built her identity around it. And then it started working against her. The frustration when others moved too slowly. The impact on the people she led. The moment she realized that a belief that had once served her was now running her. She called it toxic productivity.
I see this all the time in many of my ambitious clients. As I mentioned, I also see it in myself.
It takes an exceptional level of vulnerability and self-awareness to diagnose this in yourself. And discipline to do something about it.
It takes an exceptional level of vulnerability and self-awareness to identify and act on any of the blockers, for that matter!
If you want to think more strategically about what’s holding you back, I highly recommend listening to the full episode: “Leadership Unblocked with Muriel Wilkins (ep.214)”. This will accelerate your leadership effectiveness.
Listen on Spotify, Apple, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.
And pick up Leadership Unblocked. This is the kind of book you read, set down, and then reach for again the next time you feel stuck.
Have a great week!
Talk soon,
Dr. Andrea Wojnicki Executive Communication Coach – Talk About Talk
