Practice can elevate our performance.  But WHAT IS PRACTICE? Dr. Nadine Kelly shares how practice does not make perfect, how to practice effectively by setting intentions (WHY am I doing this and WHO do I need to be?) and the benefits of practice, including being less reactive.

PRINTABLE SHOWNOTES

CONTENTS

  • Summary

  • Resources & Recommendations

  • Andrea’s Introduction

  • Interview Transcript

  • Andrea’s Conclusion


SUMMARY: WHAT IS PRACTICE? 

Practice Does NOT Make Perfect!

Practice is a good thing. 

  • Perfectionism is not. We need to stop seeking perfection.

Practice makes perfect quote Nadine Kelly

HOW to Practice

Consider your OBJECTIVES for practicing:

  • Instead of a goal associated with an outcome, focus on an intention. The WHY.
  • For example, if you’re delivering a speech or a client presentation, your intention, your WHY, could be to connect with the audience, to entertain, to deliver a message clearly to your client.
  • 2 questions to ask yourself when practicing: WHY am I doing this? And WHO do I need to be in the scenario?

Practice by VISUALIZING.

  • VISUALIZING AS IN EMULATING – In the 4P’s framework, we call this PIRATING. Nadine asked me what it is about Madonna that I was trying to emulate.  It’s her swagger.  Suddenly I’ve set an intention for how to show up.  And I have swagger.
  • VISUALIZING OUR OWN SUCCESS – Be it mentally rehearsing playing your drums, like Nadine does, or mentally rehearsing a successful client presentation. Practice away from your craft by visualizing.
Dr. Nadine Kelly practices playing the drums!
Dr. Nadine Kelly practices playing the drums!

The BENEFITS of Practice

Practicing allows you to be a less reactive person, and more responsive.

  • It’s like muscle memory.
  • If you practice something, if you set an intention, you will eventually find that pause between trigger and response. And we all want that.

With practice, the two Qs (the WHY am I doing this and the WHO do I need to be) become second nature.

Dr. Nadine Kelly - yoga practice


RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS

Dr. Nadine Kelly

Yogi MD podcast

Talk About Talk & Dr. Andrea Wojnicki


ANDREA’s INTRODUCTION

Well hello and welcome to Talk About Talk. I’m your communication coach, Dr. Andrea Wojnicki (please call me Andrea!).

 

Whether you an ambitious executive, looking to catapult your career by improving your communication skills, or maybe you simply have a strong growth mindset – you’re always looking to learn and improve your communication skills, or perhaps both?  Well, you’re in the right place. 

 

At Talk About Talk, we focus on communication-skills-topics like articulating our personal brand, communicating with confidence and networking. All of these things take PRACTICE, right? THAT Is exactly why we’re here! In addition to this podcast, you can access the many  Talk About Talk resources all on the TalkAboutTalk.com website. There’s online corporate training, 1-on-1 coaching with me, online courses, the free weekly communication-skills newsletter, and, of course, the archive of this bi-weekly podcast. You can choose what works for you!

 

One last thing before we get going with this episode. I encourage you to subscribe to the free weekly communication skills newsletter if you’re not signed up already.  It’s free, and it’s like getting free communication skills once a week.  You can sign up on the Talk About Talk website.

 

OK – Welcome to Talk About Talk episode number 72!  Today we’re going to focus on PRACTICING.  As in what to do and what to be thinking about as you’re actively working to improve your communication skills.

 

It occurred to me recently that while we’ve talked a lot about various aspects of communication – like networking and personal branding and listening, we haven’t explicitly focused on HOW to practice your communication skills.  OK – I HAVE mentioned serval times how recording yourself and watching or listening to yourself is probably the most effective and fastest way to improve your listening skills.  But that’s not always possible, is it?  And it’s not a lotta fun.

 

So this is the 1st of 3 back-to-back episodes focused on helping us PRACTICE our communication skills.  In each of these 3 episodes, you’ll meet a new and absolutely amazing guest.

 

Today you’ll hear from my friend, retired doctor, yoga instructor and podcaster Dr. Nadine Kelly, as in “YogiMD.”  We’re going to talk about what it means to PRACTICE.

In the next episode #73, you’ll meet an amazing young tech entrepreneur named Robson Beaudry, who will share some of his incredible ideas about how technology can be used to practice our communication skills.

And in the final episode of this mini-series on practicing, you’ll meet a new friend of mine named Anne Muhlethaler.  Anne is a modern renaissance woman.  She’s a luxury brand consultant, a meditation and mindfulness instructor, and a podcaster.  And she’s going to give us some tips on mindful communication, hopefully helping us avoid auto-pilot and encouraging us to communicate with intention.

 

Alright, let’s get into this. I’m going to introduce Dr. Nadine Kelly to you right now and we’ll get right into the interview. Then. I’ll summarize at the end.  This is what Talk About Talk listeners tell me they like, so that’s what you get.  You don’t need to take notes, because I did that for you.  Just keep doing whatever you’re doing – driving or walking or housework, or whatever.  I’ll summarize everything for you at the end, and you can always access the episode shownotes on the talkabouttalk.com website. 

 

OK – The name Dr. Nadine Kelly might sound familiar if you’ve been listening to TalkAboutTalk.  I interviewed Nadine for episode #43 on using posture and breathing to improve our communication skills- I’ll leave a link to that episode in the shownotes.

 

Dr. Nadine Kelly is a retired physician, yoga instructor, American Council of Exercise certified Health Coach and Senior Exercise Specialist, founder of YOGI M.D. and host of the YOGI M.D. Podcast.  She believes in making yoga accessible to mature women (or as she likes to call them, Wise Women) of all physical levels by offering yoga in the chair, on the yoga mat, and in the water. Since 2012, Nadine has been helping her students to manage the effects of cancer as well as a range of chronic conditions, maintain health and perform activities of daily living, and improve quality of life. Nadine promotes holistic health by coaching women to make every aspect of their health a priority. Nadine is located in Sawyer, Michigan and Chicago, Illinois.


INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT – WHAT IS PRACTICE?

Andrea Wojnicki: Thank you so much for joining us to talk about practice.

Dr. Nadine Kelly: Thank you for having me, Andrea, I am thrilled to be here.

AW: Me too. Me too. My first question for you is, what does practice mean to you?

NK: I detest the notion that practice makes perfect, because there’s no such thing and it sets people up for failure, in my opinion. And so for me, practicing means that you’re simply attempting to put your best foot forward in a safe situation. I’ll give you two examples, my yoga mat and my drum kit. So with my yoga mat, it’s a non-judgmental way to come to this medium, to show up and do my best. So it can be a positive mindset that I’m practicing, because I’m having a hard time doing that, or it can be a physical challenge. The yoga mat can be a place where I can come safely. And I’ll repeat it again without judgment. So that when I am in a real life, stressful situation, or when I want to have that tough conversation, or if I catch myself in a habit of a negative thought pattern that sets me up for failure, then I have the tools to do that, because I’ve practiced before coming to that situation. The yoga mat also gives me the opportunity while I’m practicing to find that pause between trigger and response. Practicing allows me to be less of a reactive person, and more of a responsive person. My drum kit – I’ve approached that with the very similar type “A” perfectionism. Which is why I hate “practice makes perfect” because there’s no such thing. But perfectionism is a thing. So if I’m approaching my drum kit with the same rigor and lack of joy, and I must sound like this, and I’m not achieving something that I want to achieve, then I’m taking the joy out of it. So for me personally, my drum kit has been about having a little bit of a reckoning, a discussion with myself about why I need to push myself to perfection, to show everyone… What am I proving to other people? What am I proving to myself? It’s been an opportunity for me to practice acceptance, and loving my voice, and also loving a process and a journey, and not having it always be about an outcome.

AW: Okay, well, I love your point that you made right out of the gate about doing your best in a safe environment. So one of the questions that I have is, is there a difference? Really? Or should there be a difference between practicing something privately and publicly?

NK: I don’t think there should be. I think that’s what the practice is about. I think that you set an intention, how you want to show up, whether you’re practicing privately, or whether you’re practicing in a group, and it may be more challenging in a group to practice self-acceptance, and not be comparing yourself to the other people. That’s what I encounter a lot with my students, this tendency to feel less worthy, or to feel like it’s a place to judge; “I can’t.” And to emphasize that. Because we’re choosing an intention. Whether we think we are or not, we are choosing to repeat that narrative, and not challenge it.

AW: So would you agree that a significant part of practicing effectively is to be very conscious of our goals? You use the word intention. So it could be goals, right?

NK: Sure. You’re doing something with purpose. I am a very practical person. So I believe that we can exercise choice, and we can seek clarity and purpose. So why am I coming to this yoga practice today? Why am I engaging in this practice?

AW: So I love that question. I’m obsessed actually with thinking about people’s motivations. And often it’s why people say what they say and why they choose to speak or not, right? I encourage my clients to think about why am I in this meeting, for example, like what are my goals? What are our team’s goals, and it’s kind of the same thing, as we were was talking before about intentions and goal-setting. Sometimes the default for our goals and aspirations. is to compare ourselves against others. When I was growing up, I was a competitive figure skater. And we didn’t even talk about personal bests back then. It was how are you ranked in your province or your state. So by default, it was always comparing you to others. And there’s a change now, right? You even see if you’re watching a lot of sports on, you know, whether it’s track and field or figure skating or whatever it is, they show personal best scores. That’s a personal best for so and so. And they’ll be thrilled this season here that so maybe there’s a bit of a context change in terms of the mindset for where our goals or intentions are grounded.

NK: I do think there’s a subtle difference. There’s a nuanced way of looking at intention and goals to me. The goal might be the outcome, and I don’t necessarily want to focus on the outcome. The intention to me is the why. And that’s a question that we don’t ask ourselves often enough, I’m going to share a quick story. Recently, my family got a Peloton bike, and therefore of us, three of us are type A personalities in this household. Me, my husband and my eldest daughter, my youngest has just been looking at us like, okay, you crazy people. But it was interesting, we had this discussion the other day, my husband, I think had just gotten off the bike, my eldest was going to exercise, we got into this discussion about the way the board the screen is set up. And so the screen is set up automatically when you log in to have your class in front of you. So you have the instructor in front of you. At the top, you have the timer. On the left-hand side of the screen, you have your heart rates, but also there’s a high five board on that side. And then on the right side is a leaderboard. Of course, the three of us use the screen very differently.

AW: Interesting.

NK: Yeah, it was very interesting. My husband wants all of those numbers, he finds that motivating. He wants to see where he is in the pack, and can you push himself to get farther and farther ahead. So that leaderboard is up for him. My daughter doesn’t necessarily pay much attention to that aspect of the leaderboard. She likes to see her personal best. So on the leaderboard, you’ll see your position, but you’d also see I had a five-minute personal best at this thing or whatever. Okay, so it’s a little bit more internally focused for her. Not for me, because I’m tired of competition and tired of focusing on outcomes and less on my why. I get rid of the leaderboard. I get rid of the timer. I get the screen as clear as possible. Because my why for coming to the Peloton bike is, am I proud of myself? Am I working hard? Do I feel energized? Consistent? And if I’ve accomplished all of those things, so if I’ve accomplished all those things, then that’s what I want. So when I examine my intention, my why I’m on the Peloton is very, very clear to me. It’s inside out ,not outside in.

AW: Yeah, there are inward focused people and outward focus people, right. But I love your point about being conscious of it. So maybe my goal is to win the gold medal or to be first or in the case of communication skills. It’s, I need to go out there. If I’m giving a presentation, a keynote speech, I need to impress the audience, I need to entertain them, I need to teach them something, whatever the more specific goals are. But your metric is external.

NK: But you’re defining an approach for yourself. Still, though, I think you’re still defining an intention. Yes, you want to connect. It is about an interaction in that specific scenario. So if you’re saying to yourself, I want to be present for this audience, I want to make sure that I am relaxed so that I can connect with them and make them laugh, I want to make sure that I am clear in my points. And I’m succinct. To me that’s a little bit different. You’re still being intentional. Yes, you want an outcome, but you’re also defining what those parameters are, and how you’re going to be cognizant of making sure you hit those points, you are defining how you’re going to show up.

AW: So this is putting you on the spot. And this may become the meta point of this entire episode. So I don’t want to make you nervous here. But I just I just thought of this question, which is, whether you’re on your yoga mat, or you’re preparing for a keynote presentation, or you’re trying to acquire a new skill, say practicing the piano or whatever it is, is there a mindset is there a checklist is there one or two or three things that we should be really focusing on in terms of our mindset questions that we’re asking ourselves. And as I said, what we’re focusing on?

NK: You want to make sure you’re showing up as the best version of yourself. We want that. We all want that. To me, what are the main two questions? Why am I doing this? And the second question is, who do I need to be in the scenario? Now, you know that I’m a coach at the Akimbo workshops.

AW: Yes.

NK: And here’s something that I’ve been asking myself when I’m coaching, these are adults globally. So who do I need to be in that scenario? I show up as the coach there. I need to be who I need to be, which means that I am not anybody’s Mother, I’m not a helicopter mom. I am there to support, I am there to witness the journey, I’m there to show empathy. So I am very clear about who I need to be when I sit down to engage with the students on that platform. When I need to sit down with one of my daughters. I’m still not a helicopter mom, but I decide who I need to be in that moment. Who do they need? At that moment? They need me to listen, or they may need a piece of advice. It depends on the conversation. But I want to have clarity as to why am I doing this? And who do I need to be? Because that varies depending on what I’m doing.

AW: I love that. I love that. So why am I doing this? And who do I need to be and that relates to you and I were talking about personal brands and articulating our personal brands and then communicating it and I’m thinking our personal brands are not one sentence, right? It’s a moment, we have multiple roles that we have in our lives. And so what part of your personal brand is showing up in a different context, including when you’re practicing, because it’s very different to show up, for example, as a student who is eager to learn, right, as opposed to a performer. And I’m thinking a lot right now about a yoga studio where there’s 25 people in their mats. And I bet you subconsciously more than half of them are feeling like they’re doing a performance.

NK: Absolutely, yeah, it’s competitive. It’s definitely something that I noticed in my classes because I teach a different population. We’re Wise Women, and with different physical abilities and levels. Let me give you a very typical example. A lot of shoulder issues in this population. So say we’re doing an exercise where we’re lifting both arms towards the ceiling. Invariably, I will catch a woman making a face, straining the shoulder that is hurt to try to get them both up to the same level. Or I’ll catch someone shaking her head in disappointment like she failed because she lost her balance during a pose. Or here’s another example. Oh, I’m sorry that I’m asking you a question. Or I’m sorry that I couldn’t do that. Because I feel like I’m holding up the rest of the class or, or I wish I could lift my leg like Nancy can. That’s what I’m coming back to the practice question. That’s a good opportunity to question your narratives. Right? So you can ask yourself, why do I talk to myself like this? Why am I always trying to prove myself? Can I let those things go? Because are they serving me right now?

AW: Right. And I just have to say everything that you’re saying makes so much sense. And it’s such an easy jump to, if you are conscious of your internal narrative of what your brain is saying, and maybe even what you are verbally saying like, Oh, I’m sorry about this, and Oh, I wish I could do that. Then your practice will be more effective. And how do you define effectiveness? It’s not necessarily improving your skill, but it’s accomplishing whatever the goal was that you ideally, intentionally set. Right? It’s a little bit tautological, actually, because you’re focused, you have intention to focus on your goal, right?

NK: Mm hmm.

AW: A couple of other things. So you said you want to show up as your best self. What about sometimes just showing up, because you don’t want to lose your rhythm. You don’t want to lose your momentum. And it’s better than doing nothing.

NK: Oh, that’s still showing up as your best self in my opinion. That’s being a professional. I don’t feel like reading this or preparing for this presentation or Don’t feel like teaching this class today. We’re people. I’m not in the mood right now I wish I could just go sit down and watch TV. Sure. But then you say to yourself, why am I doing this? And who do I need to be? And then when the answer to that is, I’m a professional. If I identify myself as a professional, that means that I behave as a grown woman and go do the work at that moment that is showing up as my best. Because I’m a professional and I show up when I keep my promise.

AW: You keep your promise, I love that answer. I was not expecting you to say that. But that that’s absolutely true. Sometimes our best self is just the one that’s barely showing up. But we do. Yeah. So let’s just back up for a minute. And the other thing that I’m hearing is being intentional about our intentions, right? And I’m actually thinking, if we’re really, really focused on our practice, then we almost need to have a mindset of practicing our practice.

NK: I hear you, yes. There’s humility to all this to you know, a yoga practice makes you so humble. And it makes you question convention, or stop to think why you’ve accepted certain things. I was doing a challenging yoga practice with a teacher I love last week, and we came into a pose that was a combination. And it wasn’t, he took us through it very slowly to get there. Okay, it wasn’t an acrobatic class. We built up to it. When we got to this pose, though, it was an arm balancing pose, but then you put one thigh up on your forearm as you’re balancing on both hands and in your arms. And then the opposite leg shoots back. Now, Nadine, eight years ago, that’s very fair, eight years ago, would have been like, Oh, I can’t do it. What’s wrong with me? I’m a failure. I should be able to stick this .I can do it. When I set my mind to do something, I do it and I’m gonna get it done no matter what. Me last Saturday, I looked at it and said, You know what, I’m not gonna do that. But I’m gonna modify it and do this instead. That’s a very different for me. That’s for you out of mindset work, you know, because I do want to show up and be nice to myself.

AW: Yeah, that’s really important.

NK: Especially in a very challenging practice. Just be nice. Like, it doesn’t always have to be about I got another “A,” you did it again. So you’re invincible. You’re unstoppable. It’s like, do I always have to be perfect? Aren’t there times for that? There are times for that. But not every single thing has to be approached with such fervor.

AW: So my friends and I sometimes talk about it as being a gold star seeker. It’s like, hey look, another gold star! We actually joke with each other, we’ll text each other. Oh, you got another gold star today? Look what happened? Yay. That’s actually it is it’s actually I’m thinking about it. Now through a different lens after this conversation. It’s good to remind ourselves that public accolades are fantastic, but we need to be intentional about what our goal really is.

NK: Yeah.

AW: Okay, before I move on to the five rapid fire questions, there is one other sort of tactical thing that I want to ask you about, which is the idea of using visualization in a practice. So just a little bit of context, actually two things. One, when I was a competitive figure skater, we had a sports psychologist help us for a few years. And I have this vivid memory of her, helping us meditate getting us into a really a mindful state, and then encouraging us to do it was do our program or do a jump that you’ve been having some challenges with, and then going out on the ice and doing it. And I just one day, I just let myself be hers, right? I was like, You tell me and I’ll do it. And I was not judging myself. I was totally ignoring what anyone else was thinking about me. And she said, I want you to, in your mind, do the biggest axel jump you’ve ever done. And I went out and I did the biggest axel jump. And she swore I remember she was like, holy BLEEP. That was incredible.  And I was like, that was like an inner body experience. I said, but the thing is, I did it twice because I did it when you helped me visualize it, and then I did it physically. And fast forward to today I’m coaching executives on how to show up with confidence. And one of the tactics that I employ, and I encourage them to employ is visualizing, I call it pirating someone else’s confidence. So you can pirate someone else.  I was talking about imagining that I was Madonna when I walked out on stage to give the biggest lecture at the University of Toronto that I ever gave. And I walked out and I was all mic-ed up and I was like, I’m channeling Madonna. And it made me laugh at myself. But also, I felt like I had her confidence. And then nowadays, when I don’t feel confident, I think about myself in that experience. And I remember how it felt, and I’m visualizing myself again that way. So do you have any comments about using visualization to help us in our practice?

NK: It’s a really good question. I would say I like your example of channeling Madonna. I’d like to challenge you and ask you what was it about Madonna that caused you to show up that way on because it wasn’t really Madonna? It was something about her.

AW: Her swagger. She’s got swagger, man.

NK: So yeah, so that’s exactly what it is. It’s that’s your why. That was your why and your Who.

AW: Okay.

NK: It’s something that I’ve been looking at. Because if Okay, so as podcasters anytime I listen to Terry Gross, I’m like, oh, Terry Gross. I just love her.

AW: I adore her.

NK: Uh huh. I and then I let my, I start to hear myself go: I want to be just like Terry, I want to be Terry Gross. And then I stopped myself and said, Okay, what’s so magnetic to you about Terry Gross? What is the inspiration? What do you admire? What is that thing? It’s the confidence is the comfort in her skin. It’s the aplomb. It’s the calm.

AW: She she’s a phenomenal listener. And she’s so empathetic. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

NK: So once I identified those things. So I said, well, that kind of experience comes through practice. Yeah, it comes through practice. So I’m just gonna practice my craft, and try to show up in those ways that I admire.

AW: Oh, I like that. So in my mind, it works that I pictured Madonna and then I became Madonna. But when we are practicing something, your add to that is to really think back to the intention word, be intentional. Think and challenge yourself to understand what exactly it is about that person that you are emulating?

NK: Mm hmm.

AW: What about the meditation and visualization? In my figure skating example, where in my mind, I mentally rehearsed doing the biggest jump I’ve ever done. Do you ever do that in yoga?

NK: Not necessarily. I’ve done it with my drums.

AW: Huh!?!

NK: This is a little counterintuitive, but it speaks to this idea of visualization. There’s a lot of power. And I know there are studies done to this effect to where you practice mentally away from that craft. Yeah, so if I’ve been working on something, and just won’t come to me, physically, I’m having so much trouble with the coordination of it. But as of late, I’ve said to myself, okay, I’ve put in 10 focused minutes on this thing. It’s not coming together just yet. So when I’m taking a bath, or when I’m going to sleep, I can hear the music in my head, I can see it on the page. And I can imagine myself practicing it, I find that that improves the practice, when I come back to it, almost like you’ve given your mind a little bit of time to relax your mind and your body to process that thing without extra pressure, extra demands that it has to be now. So if you can picture yourself doing it, you’re also practicing away from your craft. And so then it becomes a boost to your confidence or something clicks. And then you can just execute it without overthinking it.

AW: Yeah, so actually, visualizing is practicing.

NK: Mm hmm.

AW: Again, I wasn’t expecting that answer. Is there anything else you want to add about practice before we move on to the five rapid fire questions?

NK: I would also emphasize that practice takes patience. So practicing when the stakes are not high, so that when things are heated up, you don’t just go into autopilot mode. Just go into Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – it’s just one of my favorite books. It’s sitting here on my desk. One of the most profound things he says is that space between trigger and response, practicing gives you a little bit more of that gap…

AW: Oh, I love that.

NK: Yeah. And practice helps you identify your triggers. I mean, like a lot of introspection over 2020 for me, where I was able to go, Oh, I don’t like that. And this is how that shows up in different situations. I don’t like it when people say this to me, or I don’t like this way or I don’t like that. And so now I can recognize, Oh, that’s a trigger. Or my usual comeback for this. Do I have to do that right now?

AW: Yeah, you can take that and use it as an analogy in practicing something physically right. practicing something in your interactions and relationships, practicing your own mental mindfulness. What what’s going on inside your brain? Wow, that’s pretty powerful. I love that. Thank you. All right, let’s move on to the five rapid fire questions. The first question is, what are your pet peeves?

NK: My pet peeves are people who are not willing to learn. People who lack humility, and people who insist on a black and white lens for everything. I’m right, you’re wrong, and there’s no gray.

AW: Okay, question number two, what type of learner are you?

NK: I am a combination of a visual and kinesthetic learner.

AW: And yet, you are a podcaster and a drummer! That’s auditory.

NK: but the drumming is very kinesthetic.

AW: It is.

NK: And visual somewhat too, because I read the music. Oh, that’s really interesting that you brought that up, because my drum teacher has been trying to have me stop using the visual as a crutch so much. So he’s been actually having me learn to sing the tunes out loud. So singing the pattern, so that I can make that connection with what I saw to what I’m hearing and feeling. So it is making me a better auditory learner? Yes. Well, I think that is not my strength.

AW: You’ve got a lot of strengths, Nadine, let’s just, let’s just be honest. Okay. Question number three, introvert or extrovert.

NK: I would say I lean more towards introvert. I’m much better one on one. And in small groups. As soon as it’s a big crowd. I feel like I don’t matter. And I’m never going to be that big, bold personality at a party, screaming. And I just I don’t like parties. So I’m much more of an intimate person. I like connection.

AW: Okay, question number four. Communication preference for personal conversations.

NK: A phone call.

AW: A phone call?

NK: Yeah. If the person is in my tiny circle, a really close person, yes. Okay, then I like to hear their voice. Or I like to see them. On FaceTime.

AW: Last question. Is there a podcast or a blog or an email newsletter that you find yourself recommending a lot?

NK: 2020 has been a lot of introspection about what community means to me, my social circle and being healthy within my social circle. So I’ve been choosing on purpose, what I will ingest and who I want to be in that social circle. All right, so I’m gonna cheat and say three right now. Practicing empathy, being the best person I can be being a great communicator, being someone who does not. Because I’m a human being, sometimes I practice black and white thinking, but I don’t want to be that person. Okay, and I want to catch myself when I’m doing that. So I’m less judgmental, and I listen better. So I love your podcasts because you teach me how to be a better communicator. It’s just the truth. I have another friend a fellow podcaster I don’t know if you know her. But Trisha Park. She’s a dear friend of mine. “Is it recess yet?” because Trisha is one of the smartest people I know. She practices empathy. She listens, she’s warm. She is unafraid of making mistakes. And she and I have talked about that on air or airing those things. She’s very honest. I don’t. Okay, so for me, that’s brave. Yeah. And then the newest person in my social circle is a fellow podcaster. His name is Bruce Devereaux. And his podcast is called “creatively engaging.” And it combines creativity, empathy, and respect for our elders. The episode I listened to of his today was with Ashton Applewhite, who wrote “This Chair Rocks.” She was also on my podcast, but they had a really great conversation. And one of the things that Bruce did in that episode, which I really admired was he said something, and Ashton gently encouraged him to nuance the language instead of saying they for the elders, she goes, No, no, there’s no “they” we it’s “we.” We’re all connected. And he said that out loud. And so it gave me pause, because I’m phrasing it as Wise Women, my Wise Women. No, no, no, no. I’m part of that community too.

AW: Yeah, absolutely. We have to be very careful with our words. We have to be very intentional with our words, don’t we?

NK: Yes.

AW: Our words that we’re articulating verbally and then also our self-talk.

NK: Yeah, umm hmm.

AW: Well, Nadine, we could go on for hours and hours. But I want to thank you so much for really illuminating for me what practice means. I’ve learned a lot from this conversation, and I thank you so much.

NK: It was my pleasure to be here. I loved it. Thank you for having me.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai


ANDREA’s CONCLUSION

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking about PRACTICING a little differently now.  Thanks again to Dr. Nadine Kelly for sharing her wise words.  By the way, if you want to check out more about Nadine, her yoga and wellness practice and her YogiMD podcast, just go to YogiMD.net.  That’s YogiMD, all one word, dot net.

Now, let me summarize this episode with 3 main insights for us to consider:

  1. Whether Practice really does makes Perfect
  2. Nadine’s advice on How to Practice
  3. Benefits of Practicing

1./PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

 

  • Nadine said, and I quote: “I detest the notion that practice makes perfect, because there’s no such thing and it sets people up for failure,.” There’s no such thing as “practice makes perfect” But perfectionism is a thing. And it’s not a good thing!
  • This doesn’t mean that practicing itself is not a good thing. It just means that we need to forget about seeking perfection.
    • Did you hear that, fellow gold-star seekers? Just stop.
  • In my “4P’s of Mental Preparation” framework, one of the P’s is practice. Let me be clear.  This doesn’t mean I’m erasing that “P”.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t practice. I am saying that I agree with Nadine.  We should not be seeking perfection. So …?

2./HOW TO PRACTICE

  • Start with thinking about our objectives for practicing. I love this point.  We might have a goal associated with an outcome.  Sounds ok, right?  Well Nadine suggests that instead we focus on an intention.  The WHY.
  • Or example, if you’re delivering a speech or a client presentation, your intention, your WHY could be to connect with the audience, to entertain, to deliver a message clearly to your client. In other words, as Nadine puts it, “ you‘re defining how you’re going to show up.”
  • So the two questions to ask yourself when you’re practicing: Why am I doing this? And WHO do I need to be in the scenario?
  • Thinking in terms of our personal brands, you could think of filtering and code-switching your communication to be relevant your audience.
  • This all takes practice (yes, we practice practicing – of course we do!) but over time it’s second nature.
  • Another point in terms of HOW TO PRACTICE is about VISUALIZING. There’s VISUALIZING AS IN EMULATING. In my 4P’s I call it PIRATING someone else’s confidence… Remember my story about emulating or challenging Madonna?  Nadine challenged me and asked me what it is about Madonna that I was trying to emulate.  Aaaahhh…  it’s her swagger.  Suddenly I’ve set an intention for how to show up.  And I have swagger.
  • There’s also swagger as in VISUALIZING OUR OWN SUCCESS – Be it mentally rehearsing playing your favourite new song on the drums, or mentally rehearsing executing a big, beautiful jump in figure skating, or mentally rehearsing a successful client presentation. Nadine suggests that if you can picture yourself doing it, you’re also practicing away from your craft. And then something clicks. And then you’re more likely to execute it without overthinking it.

3./ BENEFITS OF PRACTICE

  • The Q is, if we’re not practicing to make perfect, then what? Well, for starters, practicing allows you to be a less reactive person, and more responsive. It’s like muscle memory. If you practice something, if you set an intention, you will eventually find that pause between trigger and response. And we all want that.
  • So set an intention, how you want to show up, whether you’re practicing privately, or whether you’re practicing in a group,
  • Suddenly the two Qs become second nature. The WHY am I doing this and the WHO do I need to be right now? THAT is the benefit of practice.

 I leave you with this last thought about practicing. 

The next time you don’t feel like practicing, remember to be patient with yourself.  Even Terry Gross and Madonna have days like that. But they are professionals, right?  And so are you. So show up and practice with intention to be your best self – whatever that means today.

That’s it! I hope these insights about PRACTICING are helpful.  Thanks again to my friend Dr. Nadine Kelly, YogiMD.

You can find Nadine’s coordinates, her recommendations, this summary, and even the transcript, all in the shownotes on the talkabouttalk.com website.

While you’re there, I really hope you’ll sign up for the Talk About Talk newsletter, if you’re not already!  This is your chance to get free communication skills coaching from me every week in a simple to digest email.  I promise no spam and no more than one per week.  Just go to talk abouttalk.com to sign up or email me directly  and I’ll add you to the list. You can email me anytime at [email protected].

 

THANKS for READING – and Talk soon!

 

 

 

 

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