So, is it OK to cry at work?
The question is all about emotions, isn’t it?
Have you ever walked out of a meeting thinking…
If so, you’re not alone.
Recently I spoke with Harvard Business School professor Leslie John, author of Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing. Her research challenges how we think about oversharing, concealing, and what it really takes to communicate with credibility at work.
There’s a lot of nuance here, and plenty of practical insight for leaders. Here are three key learnings that stood out for me:
- No, we can’t read your mind
- Check your bias
- Is it OK to cry at work?
1️⃣ No, we can’t read your mind
Leslie introduced a concept called “mind-reading expectations.”
Many of us assume that others should just know what we’re thinking or feeling.
They don’t.
Which leads to a common trap:
We withhold context… and then feel misunderstood.
As Leslie said:
I see this all the time in my coaching work.
One client, a senior leader returning from maternity leave, was hesitant to acknowledge her new reality at work. She proactively and impressively planned her time to accomodate parenting demands by shifting her work hours and bringingi in family and childcare to help. But she didn’t want to be perceived as less committed, so she said nothing about the competing demands she was navigating.
Meanwhile, her team interpreted her behavior differently:
- Less responsive = disengaged
- Leaving early = not invested
- Shorter meetings = less strategic
None of that was true.
Once she started controlling the narrative, briefly and professionally sharing context, everything shifted. Expectations aligned. Trust increased. The story changed.
If you don’t tell your story, others will.
2️⃣ Check Your Bias
This is where Leslie’s research gets especially powerful.
She describes something called omission bias, our tendency to focus heavily on the risks of saying something, while largely ignoring the risks of saying nothing.
When deciding whether to speak up, most people only consider:
- “Will this make me look bad?”
- “Will this be awkward?”
But they don’t consider:
- “What happens if I stay silent?”
Missed opportunities. Misalignment. Resentment. Being overlooked.
A simple framework Leslie recommends we consider a simple 2×2:
- Reveal vs. Conceal
- Benefits vs. Risks
When you map it out, suddenly it’s clear:
3️⃣ Is it OK to cry at work?
This topic of crying came up in our conversation, and the it often comes up in coaching sessions and workshops.
The reality:
- Yes, there are risks, associated with crying especially around perceived credibility
- But how you handle it can make all the difference
Leslie’s advice is both practical and grounded in research:
Yes! If you follow my work on establishing your personal brand, you know I’m a big proponent of “controlling your narrative.”
Instead of leaving others to interpret what’s happening, explain it. Why am I crying? Let me tell you:
- “I care deeply about this outcome…”
- “This matters a lot to me and the team…”
- “I’m frustrated because we’ve all put so much work into this…”
When you link emotion to purpose or passion, it protects your credibility, and can even strengthen it.
Also important: Leaders have more latitude here. In fact, not showing emotion in moments where it’s expected can come across as detached or inauthentic.
The takeaway isn’t to “be emotional.”
Rather, it’s to be intentional about how you communicate your emotions.
These are just three of the many insights from my conversation with Professor Leslie John. (Fellow 🇨🇦 Canadian, by the way!)
If you want to think more strategically about what to share, what to hold back, and how to control your narrative at work, I highly recommend listening to the full episode: “Oversharing: “Revealing” with Harvard Business School Professor Leslie John (ep.211)”
Listen on Spotify, Apple, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts.
Have a great week.
Talk soon,
