How to Warm Up Cold Meetings, Cold Calls, and Cold Colleagues

Here in Toronto, we’re buried under a lot of snow. The kind of cold that makes me reach for my thickest scarf before stepping outside, even if I’m just walking one block.

I know you might be reading this from a much warmer climate. But wherever you are, you’ve probably experienced cold meetings, cold reactions, and heated exchanges.

This theme of hot and cold communication inspired this week’s newsletter, where I’m sharing three practical communication coaching tips with you:

How warming people up in meetings impacts engagement
How to cold call shy folks
How the SCARF framework can help you now!

1️⃣ How warming people up in meetings impacts engagement

Years ago, I read that if you get people interacting early in a meeting, they will be more likely to stay engaged for the whole meeting.

Makes sense, doesn’t it?

I decided to apply this insight to the workshops I teach. I always get people talking as soon as possible. It works.

Recently, I was teaching a 10-session virtual workshop series to a group of impressive academic administrators. After six highly interactive sessions, I decided to experiment and skip early interaction.

Big mistake!

It was not a disaster, but it was by far the least interactive session of the entire series.

One of the easiest ways I get people talking is by teaching my self-introduction framework, then asking them to practice it immediately. Usually, this is in small breakout groups of three people, depending on how many people are in the audience.

You are more than welcome to do the same! Teach your folks the framework, then get them to practice it immediately, in real time.

Depending on your meeting, you might warm people up by:

Asking everyone to share what they hope to get out of the meeting
Asking people to rate how they’re feeling on a scale of 1 to 10
Using a quick show of hands or poll
In virtual meetings, inviting people to share something simple in the chat, such as where they’re joining from

The principle is simple:

Get people talking early, and they’re far more likely to keep talking.

2️⃣ How to cold call shy folks

I encourage my clients to call the people in their meetings “meeting participants” (not “meeting attendees”), because everyone in a meeting needs to participate. If they’re just listening, you can send them the meeting summary later.

As a leader, part of your job is to make sure that everyone’s voice is heard. Sometimes this means encouraging people to speak up when they’re shy and feel less comfortable.

The question is, how to encourage shy folks to participate?

If you anticipate someone might be too shy to speak up, you could warn them before the meeting. Let them know you expect them to contribute. You could even come up with a plan for what you’ll ask and what they’ll say.

In real time, if you’re in a meeting and you want someone to speak up, here’s my suggestion:

First – smile, look them in the eye. And say their name. This will get their attention.
Then say something like “I’m curious, what do you think? I know you have experience/expertise in…”

Make sure you do two things:

Take your time, so they have time to think about what to say.
Highlight how their perspective is valuable. Yes, flatter them.

And if you’re that shy person? A few suggestions:

Remember that even questions are valuable. You don’t have to make an epic recommendation to add value. You could raise your hand and say, “Here’s a question we haven’t considered. What about…?”
Frame your comment in the context of your specific experience or expertise. Raise your hand and say, “Based on my experience in…”. When you do this, you’re accomplishing two things: 1.) adding value based on your expertise; and 2.) reinforcing your expertise and your personal brand! More on Speaking Up HERE.

3️⃣ How the SCARF framework can help you when people are difficult

Do you work with someone who is chronically difficult? If so, this framework will help!

When I coach people on how to deal with difficult people, one of the most popular frameworks I teach is the SCARF framework. This framework was developed in 1980 by Dr. David Rock.

According to Dr. Rock, people lash out when any one or more of these five needs are under threat. The 5 needs he identified spell out S.C.A.R.F.:

Status – dignity, respect, acknowledgment
Certainty – predictability
Autonomy – control, independence
Relatedness – connection, relationships
Fairness – equal treatment, consistency

The magic here is using this framework to identify what’s really going on with that difficult person. Once you make your diagnosis, it’s so much easier to deal with the person!

To learn more about this SCARF framework and other strategies for dealing with difficult people at work, I encourage you to listen to Talk About Talk podcast ep.204. It’s a short episode, packed with insights. You can watch it on YouTube, or listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And don’t forget to subscribe!